The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
