You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
