Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
babies were throwing up all over the place
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
