I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
