she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
