I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
