i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
