Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
