I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
