Four minutes until I can fart!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
