he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
