she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
