I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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