Im at strip club and am horny
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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