i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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