Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
