I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
