she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
