It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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