He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I need to calm my uterus...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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