Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
