I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
