dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Alive.
So much puke
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
