My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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