when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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