Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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