At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
