I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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