I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
