Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
