can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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