I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
