she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
