I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
