After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
