I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
