Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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