What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
