his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
