I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
and she was petting her beer can
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
