Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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