Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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