Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
