you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
