Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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