I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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