My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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