There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
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