I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
