i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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