Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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