my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he wants to bone in the snuggie
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
