On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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