New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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