We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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