and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
