so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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