yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize