I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
